Be strong, Stay strong.

I cried that night. I broke down right in front of him. After all that has happened, I knew I can’t control anymore. It was hurting more than I can tolerate. Hang on, he said while grabbing on to my arms so securely tight as if I would fall anytime. I pushed him away. For fear that I might take him for granted again. I wanted to be independent. I know I can. He’s always been there for me, but I’m always gone. I’m sorry I broke your heart again, but it really hurts when you said you’re leaving me. That was what I wanted to tell him but I just couldn’t speak.

He pulled me close to him. I could feel his warmth, his heartbeat was racing as he said to me: “Darling, you know that I’ve loved you all this while, even though several times, I found you in bed with some random boy you’ve got to know at the club. I forgave you always, but you had to do this so many times that I could not forgive myself for forgiving you anymore. I pity myself for always being there when you do not need me at all. I knew leaving wouldn’t hurt you as much as it hurts me, which is why I’ve decided to do this. I would be out of town, somewhere where I’ll be all alone. Reminiscing our past, only the happy ones. Next, I go wherever we had been to, those random places and do those random stuffs we always did again, for the last time. Don’t miss me babe. Cause I won’t.”

He kissed my forehead and let go of my arms. For the first time, I felt insecurity. The look in his eyes was so different. I never knew he could be this cold and harsh. I reached out for his hands “Don’t go baby, it was my fault. It always is. I’ll change, please. Don’t leave alone” I said. He shook them off. “I’m sorry babe but I can’t stay here anymore. Our love is history and I’m gonna write my own story tomorrow.” A tear dropped as I watched him turn and leave me behind, alone.

“I’ll never let you go, if we ever meet again.” I said crying.

“We’ll see about that.”

He left. For real. For good. I thought I knew him too well to be in control but he broke free from me. He might never come back but I’ll be gone too, searching for him at places where our love had leave bits and pieces scattered.

I bought tickets, to London, Paris and France. I’m travelling alone and I can’t believe that I actually covered all three cities. Yes, I can be independent, I knew it. Next, it was outta the country. I bought tickets to Japan, Australia, and everywhere else. I took polaroids of every single place and wrote the dates that we there. These polaroids, kept safely in an album that says “History are Memories at the Back of Our Minds”

One year had passed and I managed to survive without him. Meaning I have yet to meet him ever since he left. Now, I’m back here at Boston Logan International Airport, the place where we first met, my last stop. I told myself that I would give up if I still did not meet him when this whole trip ends. At the arrival hall waiting area, I closed my eyes and the flashback started. I was alone, lost and scared. He came and gave a helping hand. Memories came flooding my mind and that’s when I broke down once again. I fell to the ground this time round with the album by my side. I cried so hard that no one dared to come near. “Hey, you alright?” was what I heard after a long while. This voice, this familiarity, this feeling, was what I was longing for all this while. With a smile, I looked up knowing it’s him I’ll see.

“I knew you’ll be here when I need you the most baby, I promise never to let you go ever again. Will you return to me?” I said while handing him the album of our history, our love.

I’m sorry babe I can’t was his reply as he pushed the album back to me, stood up and return to the side of this woman with a kid in her arms looking at us. I noticed the wedding band on their fingers.

Knowing that I’ve been an utter disgrace by breaking down here, I held back my tears, stood up and left. With the album close to my chest. I told myself, I’ve been strong all this while and I will be stronger from now on.